3rd letter to Johnny’s “friends”

The third and last letter I sent to a “friend” of Johnny’s.  I waited a bit before posing this one. I wanted to see if he would respond. It’s been enough time I can no longer wait on him. I have things to do. Yes I am a busy woman. Hello??? I’m always traveling. I already have to buy a new computer and techie stuff for the upcoming filming of TRANSENDENCE.  I have also been brushing up again on the FBI and how they work. It might help me should I have to show up on the set of BLACK MASS. Yes, if I can not meet up with Johnny by the time filming starts I will have to show up on set as usual. No biggie, he’s use to our visits.

The Letter to Jerry – Enjoy

Jerry,

Seriously this has to stop. I understand that many fans are under the impression you are working for Mr. Depp to keep him safe, but some of us can not be fooled. (Namely me.) I know what you’re doing. You take your job a bit too zealous, and it shows. I have sent you my blog address in another paper advising you to read the post entitled COCK-BLOCKER.  This Sir is a post in reference to you.

I’ve taken notice of your overkill on numerous occasions. You have literally bolted towards unsuspecting, innocent fans, and several of them have taken spills resulting in carpet burn, concrete burn, and cell phones lodged in private places. What Sir do you think you are accomplishing by doing this? Do you feel that you are making Johnny happy by continually cock-blocking beautiful women such as myself? Luckily for Johnny the day he met Vanessa Paradis must have been your day off. (no, on second thought it had to be)  At least I have some history on how to outsmart you, and outsmart you I will.

I spent a day or two in Maine. I didn’t see you one time at any of the 19 McDonalds I visited. So much for keeping your boss Mr Depp safe, he was spotted during that time walking on a busy road at night. He was almost run down by a speeding car. Bet you didn’t know that did you?   Where were you when Mr Depp was almost killed by a horse on his last movie set?  Hmm? Where were you? I am actually trying to figure out why he hasn’t fired you yet.  Every time you cock-block please notice the look on Johnny’s face.  90% of the time he looks pained and frustrated toward you.

In closing, stop touching him. It’s making me jealous. Why do you always have to touch him? If you want to touch someone, touch Robin. She likes to touch too. You two would be great together.

All joking aside, stop touching him. Stop cock-blocking too.  I will be in the zone, on the lookout, dodging you like a runner avoiding fat cops without donuts. Bitch,I will scratch you like a cat on crack.

Kindest Regards,

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