Johnny’s Underwear

I purchased a pair of Johnny’s underwear off ebay.

Size 32,

Brand: Fruit of the Loom,

Color: white with a blue band.

Seller said they were from the movie Cry Baby

Price paid: $600.00


I was eagerly awaiting the arrival of my purchase. Finally today it arrived.  I opened the package frantically, and took out the gold inside. I brought them to my chest hugging them and then, yes I admit it freely to my nose.  WTF??!!

I woke up about 30 minutes later. Underwear resting on my nose, but my eyes could clearly see the clock on my wall. I sat up and began to inspect said underwear. They looked rather new, but used. The crotch was WAY TO SMALL to ever have fit Johnny and on further inspection there were shit stains in the underwear. Now I know that can’t be right. I mean, I know people have said some mean things about Johnny and looking as if he needs to wash his hair, but this was skid central, insufficient wiped anus, the expelling of juicy farts, going through a red light and almost not making it while leaving a massive track in your looms. Shart Hall of Fame.

For a second I actually thought about it. I came to my senses and realized these did not, nor did they ever belonged to my beloved.

I had been taken for a ride. Although I do wonder about David Beckham’s purchase of Johnny’s underwear.

Yours Truly,



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