There’s nothing like waking up in the grass, with cars zooming by. I went to the gate at the country club and was met by a guard. I told him I was here to see Johnny Depp. He said, “Johnny Depp?” “Yeah” I said, “he’s here filming”
The guard said, “No I don’t think so.” So I said, “Listen rent a cop, I know he’s here he’s filming Black Mass, and the character he’s playing shot a guy here. IN the parking lot!” The guard smiled and said, “That was in the early 80s” A sigh of irritation from me. ” I KNOW that. They are filming about it NOW. Let me in I can find my way around.” He stepped in front of me. “You don’t want to block me renty” I moved, he moved again. “I’m warning you Ma’am” to which I looked at him and said, “and I’m warning you. Step outta the way. You don’t want any of this.”
The bitch put his hand on my arm, and I met his bicep with my taser. To which he promptly fell to the ground and started to drool. About that time three other rent a cops were running toward the gate, it seems they got it all on tape. I ran for my cart, they opened the gate to check their buddy and I made my move. The tazed guard was coming to, as I zoomed past in my golf cart, the fuckers didn’t allow enough room to get by and I think my right rear wheel ran over the tazed guards foot. I heard him let out a girl scream as I rolled over it. Not to mention the feeling of bouncing over it.
I simple turned and gave them all the finger as I swerved past some guy in ugly golf pants. This was no time to take the little golf cart “streets” on the golf lawn. I was doing some seriously traveling going over their little rolling hills, and through the sand traps. I had another lot of guards start to chase me, ON FOOT. What the hell?
THEN they got a little smarter and got other golf carts. HA! You’re no match for me! I already saw my plan unfolding before my eyes. A hovercraft! Yes! That’s when it happened I quickly parked the cart and got into the hovercraft.
That was my first time driving one. It was awesome! the guy who owned it was sitting next to me while driving screaming at the top of his lungs. It was clear he was having a great time! I made my way back around to my golf cart and let the man have his hovercraft back. I climbed in and since the morons chasing me where so far behind I bailed towards the country club facility. Then I noticed this:
needless to say I floored it to the front gate, it’s was obvious Johnny had not had time to tell them I would be arriving. I did make it home. Got my golf cart parked. Went inside my house.
There are police outside right now. They look to be searching the neighborhood for something. I hope we don’t have drug trafficking around here or something.