Good riddance 2016

Thankfully, I kept Johnny safe from the celebrity curse of 2016, he does cross over into the musician and actor categories, so after oh…January I had started formulating a plan to keep Johnny safe. Apparently my hard work paid off, I was able to safely disentangle him from the clutches of that leach that wouldn’t bugger off, what was her name again? Famewhore, that’s right. Jerry still pretended he didn’t know who I was and cockblocked me every chance he got, but me and Johnny kept it all on the down low, even from his security deets.

When Johnny was on the party boat, I will admit, i was there. Undercover as a maid of course, and yes I took his sheets off the bed and added to my private collection of our Valentine memorabilia, I know it was his room I was in, it said captain on the outside of the door, a carnival ship, and we were going from Cancun to Cozumel and back. Oh the places he takes me on our undercover vacays. Totally reminiscent of our rum diary times and a little saucy captain jack. Sometimes he likes to cross over his characters to try and spice things up a bit, that’s just our thing. Do you know that even though he was busy with making sure the party goers stayed loaded, he did make time to find me in a janitors closet and well let’s just say, it was intense. He called me Carina, so I knew it was just him being in jack sparrow mode, I slapped him as he expected, and walked out.

This is a new year, the curse of 2016 has been lifted finally and I can breathe a little easier now. No, I mean that literally, the security guard outside our home just passed me underneath this bush without spotting me. I’m doing very well, I have got to tell him these guards can’t find their asses with both hands, oh wait I think that one just did, ………. And he came back to my bush and pissed on it. Oh yes we are having a talk about this, Jerry can’t always be there. Maybe I should surprise him in the shower, or with a friendly wake up talk, or right before bed, I can fit underneath his bed all I have to do is wait again.

Oh new year, can you truly bring my loved one back to me? Is that too large of a wish or resolution to make? On a serious note, I have some news that I may drop here, or I may not, I haven’t decided yet.

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A Tale to Tell

I have one…I have to get out of the hospital first. Apparently you can’t swim in the Venetian waters. I think they’re lying.

Stay tuned.

WHAT THE SHIT??!!

((And a side note. Recently Johnny adopted/sponsered a bat. I’ve been a supporter for years and please if you can be a part of a good cause. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Batzilla-the-Bat/445796495553687 ))

Could Be My Capt Jack

So I found another Captain today. Not sure whether Johnny was in disguise or if I just hit the gold mine but either way this is totally doable. With a little work.  He’s got a ship, He knows how to sail, loves the water, and even has a commanding yet fun presence.

Lipo- $58,000

Gastric ByPass: $70,000

Tattoos and Inking: $11,000

Complete Facial Reconstruction: $170,000.00

Food to keep him happy until the surgery: $17,900

This is within my budget and I still have a couple buck left over to treat myself to a candy bar or two. Keeping this Captain Sexual Beast on the short list.

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Kate Van Winfenn

 

I’ve had some things sent to me by readers. They’ve spotted a WinFenn ism  in action.  Lots of fans of the blog like to turn things into me when they find things that Kate has been up to. Thanks for noticing 😉

#1. Man Dressed as Pirate Threatens Guard with Knife.

Okay first off I resent this. I am not a man. I work out until my face gets stuck in full on retard expression. I can’t believe they would even think I was male. #smh  #GYM #cantcatchme

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Read about the misunderstanding here:  http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-03-10/pirate-threatens-guard-during-pirates-of-the-caribbean-filming/6295128

#2. “I’M A PIRATE! I’M JACK SPARROW!”

Alright, listen. There was this one time I stole a passenger ferry. I admit it, BUT the lack of organization and laziness of the police department is appauling because this isn’t even MY MUGSHOT. Not everyone looks horrid in their mugshots and I didn’t. #jealousmuch

Here:   http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9554957/Im-a-pirate-shouted-drunken-woman-before-hijacking-passenger-ferry.html

#3. GOLF CARTS

My attorneys have advised me not to comment on this (My name is NOT Amanda. It’s KATE VAN WINFENN) I am also much older than my cousin.

http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/Woman-Charged-With-Stealing-Golf-Cart-Wanted-to-Smash-it-Into-Something-227262241.html

((If you have any thing you think Kate might be behind just leave me an email at  findingdepp at yahoo))

Copying

What can I say besides it’s annoying. I should be flattered I suppose, but it’s getting on my nerves. Miss Amber Pamber must be a fan of my writings. I KNOW she has to read here and has obviously been studying on how to gain access to Johnny through stealth movements. Like loading herself onto the plane to Australia. I know there can’t be that many people, BESIDES myself, that know how to contort into a small carry on. I’ve made myself fit into a guitar case before. Don’t ask. The Continental Club knows me well.

I don’t know why she can’t come up with her own ideas, but I may have to get very very creative. Until then………….

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